This is a feeling I fight hard not to have. I can’t stand this feeling! I don’t want to feel sadness! I don’t want to feel hurt! It’s too painful! So painful, I don’t have a color for it.
When sadness comes into my life, it invades through a waterfall of tears. I can’t see a single color in moments of sadness. Everything is blurred.
I don’t like to cry. When I was younger, I purposely avoided things that would make me cry…the tear jerk movie,…sad sappy songs…I would help friends from a distance because I couldn’t handle their crying.
Now, though. Man! I don’t know if it’s getting older or finally embracing my true self or what. Waterfalls will just start to cascade from my eyes in a heartbeat and it can be over almost anything.
I’m an animal lover, so if the boys want to watch something where an animal gets hurt, yes this includes Animal Planet, I can’t handle it. I saw a squirrel dying by the side of the road one day and it took all I had not to pull over and help it. I cried for it and how helpless I felt the rest of the way home. When my dog of fifteen years passed, I bawled for days. I still do cry for him occasionally.
Tears gather when a student is not okay. I don’t cry in front of them, but I do take a moment to regain my composure because I feel for them.
Tears gather when one of my loved ones is not okay and it’s not necessarily a health reason I’m talking about. I’m talking about when my son had to live in Taiwan for almost a year. When my daughter experienced tragedy so young. When we lose a loved one. When my parents tell me they need to have surgery.
I have become an emotional wreck. I cry over the smallest of things. I don’t know why I have lost the control I once had. Maybe it’s because I really, truly am finally happy with who I am as a person. I can be my full self now and if that means having blurred vision over silly, little, stupid things, so bet it!
As I go on this journey of creative word play, it is also my goal to help empower others. To help others reach their full potential in their lives. Follow me on Instagram @authorkgreene or subscribe to my website: www.ksbooknook.com to learn more about how you can empower yourself and help others!
