Usually, when I write my blogs, I know my topics for the entire month. Sometimes they change, but most of the time I have a pretty good idea what I’m going to write about on which day. However, yesterday I told my husband I still didn’t know what today’s blog would be about. He replied, “well we haven’t had any rain this week.”
Hmmmmm. He said this because of the blog series title for this month, but as I woke up and dragged myself out of bed to let the dogs finally go outside to do their business, my mind started spinning.
I could talk about the end of an age or how some things have come full circle. Both work quite well for things going on in life right now but the timing to write about it feels off. Logging in to my computer, waiting to see what words would appear on my screen (if the writing doesn’t write itself, it’s not very good), I remembered my husband’s words from yesterday.
It hasn’t rained for a few days here. The last rain shower, more like storm, was the week before but if you look at our ground it seems to be more of a forgotten memory. The area we live in has been in “drought” conditions for years. The cracks in our backyard remind us of this everyday. We love the rain whether it comes in a slow steady drizzle or a torrential downpour. Okay, really we just want the slow steady rain because the downpour is not going to do us any good. Our ground, our plants need the rain. WE need the rain as well, but ours looks a little different.
Our lives can have stages of drought just as the ground here does. Sometimes, we experience a major change in our life that causes us to become stagnant. We can’t move forward and we can’t go backwards. We’re stuck in the middle of the path of life unsure which turn before us will bring the rain we need to grow more into our purpose.
I was stuck in the middle of my path a few months ago. Yes, I am a teacher, but ultimately I am a writer. My dream is and always has been to write full time. I haven’t made it to that part of my life path yet and I won’t just quit a job if it’s not time. However, I was experiencing a work drought in my life.
When I first applied for a teaching job, it was for fourth grade. The interview went great! They loved me and wanted me, but I had an interview for a sixth grade position in the same district the next day. They wanted me too! I had a decision to make. The fourth grade role was as a writing teacher. The sixth grade role was for English and Reading. I took the sixth grade role and have been teaching middle school every since.
I know, I know! Why didn’t I take the fourth grade role if it was for writing??? Well, you see I believe in praying through my decisions and something about the fourth grade one didn’t sit right. A couple of years later, my decision to not go there was confirmed based on many things taking place on that campus.
I have been pushing my way to the end of the year in middle school for five years now. I’m just going to say this…middle school is hard!! The kids are going through all their weird hormonal stuff. They talk back in a way that has me inwardly saying “my parents wouldn’t have tolerated it if they knew I spoke that way.” Middle schoolers love to throw terms around like they know what they mean. They’ll have their group nicknames that are really actually not okay and get mad when a child outside their group calls them that. And then, there’s the drama. Drama, drama, drama. They hate each other and by next class they love each other. Middle school life is the most loopy-loop roller coaster ride you will ever be on both as a student and as a teacher.
I think I can safely say that I have been living in my drought these past two years of teaching middle school. Kids are not raised how I was or even how I raised my own and it shows. I find myself sad and upset a lot at what I see and hear in middle school. I do try to reach those I can, but overall, it is sad and tiring to see on a daily basis. I knew I needed out of the middle school classroom. I thought, as I always do, writing would be my way out, but you can’t just start making a steady paycheck for writing happen. So, on I go continuing to be a middle school teacher, or so I thought.
Earlier in the year, we lost a fourth grade teacher. The idea of taking that position for next year started playing in my mind. The idea of spending the day with younger children was appealing to me. I toyed with this idea for awhile. I talked it over with my husband. I did my research to see what a fourth grade day would look like as far as curriculum. I made my appointment with my principal where I declared I wanted that position, but also chickening out a little because I knew I was needed in middle school. I’m a people pleaser, most of the time I’ll do what others need me to do instead of what I want to do. Then a few weeks went by.
It was still on my mind, as well as some other things from this year. I sat down and wrote my principal an email saying that I do indeed want to teach fourth grade and explaining why I need to leave middle school. The middle school mindset put me in a drought season that was literally sucking the joy out of my job.
This Friday will be the last day of my drought season as I say goodbye to sixth grade and prepare to teach fourth grade next year. I am looking forward to it! I am so excited at the idea of being in a classroom with younger children who find everything you do exciting. I know there will be negatives to the job. They exist in everything. It was time to end the season of drought and move forward on my life path. Oh, the “places” we will go in our readings together and the things we will celebrate about one another. I cannot wait to be in a classroom full of love and joy!
