Whew! Summer is flying by!
June was busy, busy, busy with work and family. We had a whirlwind of adventures and loved every minute of it. Now, July is settling in and I’m trying to slow down a little. Just enough to find myself before starting a new school year and a new grade level.
Let me define finding myself. My mind is constantly going with this thought, that thought, so many thoughts. I’m using this time off to take all these thoughts and plug them into the my book my editor and so many others are waiting on me to finish. I’m also trying to get ahead of the school year by going over what I can of curriculum now. Surprisingly enough, I don’t stress when working on these two things. I let my story talk to me as I write, so it leads me and makes writing it very easy. Lessons for school are a ton of fun to go over because I get to determine how the material will be taught. So, I get to play around with different ideas for them.
I’m also finding myself by keeping myself a little more grounded. I do this by making sure I have a quiet time everyday. In this time, I have time with my Creator. I read His word and a book to help me understand something a little better. (Right now, it’s about the woman at the well.) It’s also when I lay my heart out on paper and truly write what is in my mind, heart, and soul at the time. This is how I work my way through things. I’m a writer, writing helps me sort things out.
By now you may be trying to figure out why I titled this blog “Losing Myself” if all I have talked about so far is fidning myself.
Alright, full confession time. I have been very unhappy with my physical body. I turned forty-nine in June. While I am healthy, my weight is a number that depresses me. I don’t feel like I look good in anything. I don’t like seeing myself without clothes on. I like food. I like to eat. I love sweets, especially ice cream.
I’ve done Keto before and it was very successfull, but you can’t live your life on Keto full time. I’ve tried different apps to keep me motivated in exercise. I’ve tried cutting things out cold turkey. Neithers of these worked.
I know there are diet pills out there, but I won’t take anything without talking to my doctor. While there is one pill she suggested, I have yet to take it because I take medicine for anxiety and my emotions can dip down pretty quick. Due to certain side effects, my husband and I decided it was probably not a pill safe for me to take.
I enjoy walking outside but unfortunately we live in a neighborhood where owners let their dogs roam too much. As much as I love dogs, I will not walk up on a stray dog.
My depression about my body was starting to get pretty deep. I mean a full fall into a rabbit hole that was cold and dark scary deep. I knew I had to do something because it was starting to effect my mental health as well.
So, here is my plan of success: I have my quiet time daily. I stretch every morning. I pay attention to what and how much I eat, taking artifical stuff out of my diet and eating more natural things. I’m only eating when I’m hungry. I’m keeping myself busy. I’m walking whenever I can on the treadmill I finally purchased.
By doing all this, I have found that I’m losing myself in order to find myself. I’m losing the ugly, depressive thoughts and replacing them with celebrations of weight that has been loss and clothes I can wear again. I’m praising my Creator and making him my center as He should be. I’m doing what I love on my time and as I want. By losing myself, I’m finding me.
