I’ve gone through some things. Some of these things were by my choice. Some weren’t.
Funny thing about choices, you think, “I’m going to make this choice. It’ll be good.” And then it isn’t. Why?
Well, while I don’t know the reason for you, I know the reason for me. I’ve spent most of my life not believing in myself or loving who I am. I’ve always been something other than myself for others and nothing for me.
I don’t know exactly what happened, but at some point I got tired of living that way. So, I made some changes. I got divorced. I started my first ever career. I got married for a second time. I even spent some time in counseling to “fix” me.
I kept running into people who assumed they knew me (still happens). But, I’ve come to realize that it was me who didn’t know myself. I had never let myself fully speak or fully be me.
I don’t know if I’m going through a spiritual awakening or if it’s menopause, but I’ve been slowly figuring out who I am. I’m learning it’s okay for me to disagree. It’s okay for me to have a voice. It’s okay for me to not follow certain people and certain ways. It’s okay to stand on the outside of the cliques. It’s okay to be proud of my ability to write. It’s okay to be nerdy. It’s okay to be me.
But, I have to do more than be okay with it. I have to love all of these parts of me. All of these parts make me who I am.
I am beautiful.
I am loved.
I am strong.
I am creative.
I was created with a purpose. I’m not going to conform. I will always rock the boat and I will always love myself for it.
