September marks the changing of the seasons. Fall officially begins on September 22nd. If you live on the East Coast, you’ll start to see the changing of color on the leaves and feel a chill in the air. If you live in Central Texas as I do, you’re lucky if the weather cools down enough for Christmas to actually feel like it’s happening during the Winter.
Even though I don’t get to experience a true Fall every year, it is my favorite season. I did live on the East Coast for a while. Memories of changing leaves and the smell of leaf piles burning revisits me once I’m in September. I carry those memories through the entire season. I love the Fall season so much, two of my novels take place during that time.
But the Fall season is more than the changing of leaves and nature preparing for the winter ahead. Fall represents a changing in oneself. I know we all know the saying “spring cleaning.” That’s when we tend to clean out our homes and scrub everything down. What about the cleaning of our inner selves? When does that take place.
For me, I believe that time takes place during the Fall. It’s this time of year I tend to take a deeper look at myself and see what has changed or needs changing. Are you following? Let me explain.
As nature begins to shed itself of layers that have protected it throughout the last year, it undergoes a new growth coming back bigger and stronger than before. I believe the same is true of us; me specifically.
I’ve been sharing with you over the last few months different things I had been experiencing or going through. Well, I’m now experiencing a stage of shedding. I find myself not just shedding weight and reshaping my physical body, but my spiritual self as well.
I am forty-nine years old. I am experiencing things as a woman that are normal for my age, but until you go through them, you don’t fully understand what a mood swing is. I had no idea just how quickly emotions could be lit up like a match only to be quickly doused in tears as you try to understand what your body is transitioning through. My anxiety is up. My tolerance is down. My spiritual life is currently on a rocky path because while I’m engaged in living the life my Creator intends for me to, I find myself letting the noise of life seep in a little too much to do as I need to do.
This realization has been revealing itself to me piece by piece over the last few days. I honestly don’t know what has more control right now; my physical body, my spirit, or all the noise. I only know I am expected to balance it all and smile my way through it. However, that’s not me. I can’t smile when I don’t feel it. I can’t hide what I feel. My Creator decided every single emotion I experience should be written all over my face.
Now, before you say all I’m doing is complaining, I’m not. I’m simply voicing how women my age with a life similar to mine may be feeling right now. Mostly, I’m telling my experience of life as it is going in this season. Personally, I think the noise has the most control right now. I struggle to turn it off when I need to and zero in on the things that can get me through it. How do I do that?
I need to fall out of myself. I need to break the barrier that has been naturally created around me for various reasons so my spirit can fully breathe. I need to let go of all the anxiety. I need to really let my Creator have it all. I need to live by my own words and be proud that my Creator decided to mold and make me as I am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, but I have been letting noise have all the power rather than letting my spirit lead me.
Nothing is wrong with me…that’s not true. I have been letting the noise win. I have been giving in to anger and disappointment where others are concerned. I have been letting expectation control my life and how I do things. I have been letting others dictate how I operate.
I can’t do that anymore. It’s not healthy in any form. It’s not allowing me to be the me my Creator created. It’s not allowing spiritual growth to take place. It’s not allowing my voice to be heard in a positive light. It’s keeping me deaf to the words I need to hear.
It’s time to shed all the layers. The physical weight was only the beginning. Now, it’s time to focus on shedding the rest, falling out of myself to discover the true me.